Happy New Year! I have been working a lot this month and I've updated my website with some of my new work, but there will be more coming, so keep checking in. I have a lot to say, but right now I just want to let you know about all this fun new work to check out. There really has been a shift in my work, and I'm sure there will continue to be. I'm seeing so much more strength and power in what is coming to life on the canvas and less fear. I'm feeling more free and I think that shows in my work. I would love to hear your thoughts, your feelings or just a note "hi". So click on the contact page and shoot me a line if you want!
Sitting down to write this post has been a daunting task of mine for weeks now. There are so many things to say about what has been happening since my last post, but mostly I've been silent because I've been busy living, loving and painting... the first two essential for the last to occur. This morning I could write to you about the process of leaving and coming back to the work ... I could write to you about unimaginable beauty, all consuming confusion, deep sorrow and powerful freedom as I have felt and painted over the past few months... I could write to you about the process of seeing my own work, the process of my painting.... but these will all be for another day.
Today I write to say that I have found freedom in the truth, as vulnerable as it might be! So today, the truth is I am having my very FIRST art show at Brentwood Academy this weekend... and AH!!!! I am excited, really! Although most days the fear freezes my ability to feel excitement, today I'm feeling it and am able to write you about it. So please stop by if you're free this weekend! We can talk about all the things I mentioned above and more as I will have the stories written below each of the paintings so you can know a bit more about my work. See you there!
Brentwood Academy, Dec. 2-4.
Admission is free and open to the public.
Friday 5:30 to 8:30 PM
*Opening night of the show features a fabulous hors d'oeuvres reception.
Saturday 10:00 AM to 6:00 PM
Sunday 1:00 to 5:00 PM
Last Friday I let go of another painting. Whew, this process is quite liberating! As I clumsily wrapped it in plastic, slowly covering the painting in a green film of protection, I remembered so vividly the emotions I felt as I was painting.
Emotion, she is a tricky friend... She's strong and dramatic at times and plays movies back to you to remind you of her strength. But hanging out with her is vital, like the saying "No way out only through".
I could tell you about the deeply emotional process of the painting below, but instead I will just say that this was a movement of allowing a specific grief and love come up so big and move in and though me onto the canvas, withholding nothing in all of it's joy, pain, sorrow, and beauty. Christian Wiman in My Bright Abyss says this so sweetly when he writes:
"Even if I don't see it again - nor ever feel it
I know it is - and that if once it hailed me it ever
And so it is myself I want to turn in the direction
not as towards a place, but it was a tilting within
as one turns a mirror to flash the light to where
it isn't - I was blinded like that - and swam in
what shone at me
only able to endure it by being no one and so
specifically myself I thought I'd die
from being loved like that.
from "The Kingdom of Ordinary Time"
From a very young age I've felt like words could not touch my inner experiences. I often struggle to express myself in a way that feels true and accurate. Thankfully, I found art. The poem above by Marie Howe captures everything about my process of painting "Spaces".
I painted this piece in one long stint which is rare, I usually work in layers over time. When I started this painting "Celeste" was there. As the canvas was being painted on "Celeste" was not there. Many hours passed and finally I took a big breath and stood back and it was complete. The process is a mystery to me and yet full of ease, familiarity and intimacy.
I feel so touched that my paintings are connecting to others. As I was reminded of today, when someone buys a piece of my work, this painting... this moment in time... this internal opening of my soul then gets to live in the world. That blows my mind. This painting has found a life with my good friends, Ivanka and Kazu in San Francisco.
Letting go of my paintings is a difficult but crucial practice. "Red" is shipping off to Rob and Leslie Wigley this week and I couldn't be happier to share it with them! These two amazing human beings have always been so supportive of me and I am thankful to call them friends!
When I began painting "Red" it was a very calm painting with smooth color transitions and easeful movements. This is where I am most comfortable. I left the painting like this (with no red) for a while... until one day I walked by it and...well, its hard to explain, it told me to paint red in it.
I was hesitant because I didn't want to mess anything up, but when the instruction is clear I don't have a choice. So I put the red in and stepped back. I immediately felt anxiety and fear looking at the painting now. And then I thought, thats perfect! Shouldn't art create a reaction inside of us and invite us to feel deeper?